I have started to write this so many times and had to stop because I couldn't see through the tears. Perhaps because today is Mother's day it will give me the strength I need. I have so many memories and stories that I could share but I am hoping to have them all recorded on paper for your children, at some point. You were my first child and once I had got over the sheer terror of becoming a parent at the grand old age of 20, I was happy and excited. When I first got to hold you I truly knew what love at first sight was and I never stopped loving you even though I didn't always agree with your life choices and decisions. From very young age you had a personality that meant you were often the centre of things whether it be attention or trouble. Seeing you in the funeral parlour was such a shock because you looked so small, in my mind you always seemed so much bigger than that, such was your presence. The hole you have left in the lives of those who knew you and loved you is so much bigger than just the physical space you took up. When other people I know lost a child I thought I knew a bit about how they might have felt but I was wrong. I have never experienced pain like I have since your death, there is a huge hole in my heart that will never heal. I know that you are always close by and I truly hope that one day I will see you again, even if it is just to give you a good slap for putting us all through this. In all seriousness, I love you and will miss you till the day I take my last breath. Mum x x x